Empirical Evidence Suggests
Q. Can I eat a doughnut each day and not gain weight?
A. No.
Q. Can I get A's in classes that I am totally half-assing?
A. Yes, but: it would be a lot less stressful if you would just apply your whole ass for a change.
Q. Can I eat two desserts each day and not gain weight?
A. NO.
Q. How many days can I reasonably go without showering?
A. Two. Three if you don't mind a bit of sheen to your body. Four or more if you don't mind a LOT of personal space.
Q. OK, what if I eat two desserts a day (one of them a doughnut) and just go to the gym for an extra long time?
A. NO. NO. Why do you even ask, because we all know that there is nothing short of a face-first plunge into a bowl of poisoned pudding that would prevent you from acquiring that chocolate turtle fudge fried brownie double-dipped with nuts if you really want it. Remember: there is always a larger size of pant waiting for you.
A. No.
Q. Can I get A's in classes that I am totally half-assing?
A. Yes, but: it would be a lot less stressful if you would just apply your whole ass for a change.
Q. Can I eat two desserts each day and not gain weight?
A. NO.
Q. How many days can I reasonably go without showering?
A. Two. Three if you don't mind a bit of sheen to your body. Four or more if you don't mind a LOT of personal space.
Q. OK, what if I eat two desserts a day (one of them a doughnut) and just go to the gym for an extra long time?
A. NO. NO. Why do you even ask, because we all know that there is nothing short of a face-first plunge into a bowl of poisoned pudding that would prevent you from acquiring that chocolate turtle fudge fried brownie double-dipped with nuts if you really want it. Remember: there is always a larger size of pant waiting for you.
posted by Bathtub Mary at 2:19 PM
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